Men – what are you thinking?

Here we go again….. Men after divorce, seems simple.. We are smarter, more weary but hey we see a good guy, good job, seems responsible, probably not a serial killer so let’s give him a chance.  UGH…. so here I am, dated a guy for over a year but haven’t seen him in 10 months. Am I that stupid??? YES I AM.  He always had a reason for not seeing me, seemed plausible. depression, anxiety, kids, stress, work oh and yea alcoholic would prefer to stay home and drink.

Received texts of love, phone calls of love, flowers, promises, promises and more promises. Come to find out another woman is writing on Facebook. Got to love social media. What doesn’t come out in the wash, comes out in Facebook.  How does the guy handle it, totally avoiding the fact that he’s an asshole who broke my heart. Not the first one and I’m terrified not the last.  Will I learn to trust again?

Men, I ask you this….. please don’t do to a woman that you would not want done to you. Woman, please don’t do to a man what you wouldn’t want done to you. It’s a two way street, treat people good. Life is to short to be an asshole and i’m tired of crying over stupid stuff.  I definitely need to get over myself here as the reality and step back is pretty messed up.  Clearly I got involved with a messed up person that has more issues than I should ever know about but to be pushed off and led by a string for 10 months is on me.  My part is I need to have boundaries and only be with someone worthy of me.  My self worth… it’s amazing what we learn about ourselves when stuff happens.

Today’s lesson was I trusted someone I really didn’t know. I pretended that a virtual relationship was better than no relationship. I believed the stories, lies and allowed myself to be dangled on a string.  Thanks for the lesson buddy, don’t let karma hit you in the ass 🙂

 

To the interviewer with heart…

We all have been there, interviewing for a job and putting ourselves out there. More often than not we don’t get the job but we never give up.  We do however, always wonder why we didn’t get the job.

I can’t even count how many people I have interviewed in my career but I can count how many people have emailed me to thank me for the interview.  It is those people that I often spend my time during the decision making process and wonder how I will respond. Yes, I said respond.  So many interviewers choose to just ignore once they make their selection.  But is that the right thing to do?  It is an easy answer…. would you want a response?  With that is how I act.  I respond to the few that have reached out to inquire.  I’m careful not to insult unintentionally.  Basically thanking them and letting them know that it was a tough pool but the fact that they were called in for an in person interview means they were high on the list.

That is a pretty easy thing to do and is very classy.  I recently interviewed and was a final candidate and wasn’t even thought of enough to get a thank you email.  It amazes me how people consider themselves professionals and then can’t even respond with integrity to another professional.  This is the problem in today’s interviewing world. Managers training 101.   This should be something employers look at in their people.  I wouldn’t want anyone without decency, integrity and heart on my team.

Thought for the day, what would you do and how would no response make you feel.

Interviewing for a Job

We have all done it, thought about getting a new job.  So exciting to think of a new opportunity and what the future could bring.  So we visualize a new reality and in a perfect world it plays out just like in our head.

Step one:  Revamp the resume and send it out to the world. Look for new and exciting opportunities.  How fun this will be, meeting new people, sharing ideas, sounds good in theory.

Step two: We have a bite….. phone interview first of course just to make sure you don’t sound like Kermit the frog and to be sure you know what your talking about.  Don’t forget to take into account that the interviewer already knows the questions and has probably already received tons of other answers from other applicants.  So you talk and they get quiet, you get nervous and crap…. did I mess this up.  Anxiety sets in, redirect, isn’t this fun.

Step three: We had a connection and now they want me to come in for an interview.  I’m excited.  Get out my best suit and here I go.  Meet at their convenience which is usually during rush hour or the middle of the day….. but we are troopers and team players so we do it.  Now let the selling of ourselves start.  It’s lucky when you interview with a really nice person that is human and understands how difficult and nerve racking the process of interviewing can be.  That’s if your lucky.  It gets even better when you wait 30 or 40 minutes because they are running late.  Of course you respond, oh I don’t mind… my time means nothing (in your head). You smile and talk and talk and talk.

Step four: Send out the thank you so much for interviewing me email and I hope you consider me a viable candidate as I would love to be considered for this incredible role and am extremely excited about this opportunity.

Step five:  We would like you to come back in and meet with other people.  Wow, so exciting at this stage. You feel closer than ever to your dream of a new and exciting opportunity.  Wait, did she just say your resume was her favorite.  Oh boy, could this get any better.  At this stage, you are invested in the job. Even though you have only been on a few interviews, you have engaged in emails and a plentiful amount of research relating to this company and everyone that works for it.  You start feeling better about the process and think that this could be it.  The in person interviews go great. You send out more thank you’s and receive one in return with a request for references.

Step six: OMG, they want my references.  You send out another email and here we go…. The company thanks you for sending the references and states, they will be in touch next week.  Ah, it’s so close you can taste it.  You wait and wait and wait…. the week passes and you’ve heard nothing. You call one of your references and they haven’t been contacted.  Ut oh… somethings wrong.  So we send a polite just wanted to follow up email and wait….

Step seven: OUCH… The next day a person you have never been in contact with from the company emails you to say…. so and so is out and wanted me to follow up… Here it comes….. We have decided to not move forward with your candidacy but thank you for your time.

Step eight: You cry… you have now invested your thoughts, time and heart in this job that you didn’t even get.  The thoughts are racing through your head, your not good enough, you suck, someone was better, you screwed up. You replay everything in your head to think where you went wrong.

Step nine: You send an email to the person you connected with most during the process and you thank them for meeting with you and asking for feedback on your interview. Explaining that you felt so comfortable during the process and it really felt like a perfect fit that along with your disappointment you are hoping they can provide insight as to why you were not selected.  Then you wait for a reply, one that may or may not ever come.

Step ten: You don’t give it. You are worth it… Some company is going to be very lucky to find you and then you say, your opportunity is coming one day… it’s just not here yet.  So we try to find a lesson in this too.

And the journey begins

I’m 48 years old and life up until now has been pretty typical.  Husband, well (2) to be exact, both exes now, 3 kids, 2 dogs, a house I can’t afford and a job that doesn’t pay enough.  See pretty typical.  I’m guessing everyone gets to a point where they look at their life and go… holy crap did I just do that.  Yes I most certainly did.  I can now add to my resume…. experience with bad relationships, codependency, alcoholics, crappy fathers and men that don’t pay child support.  I don’t dwell on the negative all the time, I actually laugh about it more because that is how I became or am becoming me. A perfectly, imperfect butterfly.

In the years since I separated and then divorced I dated….. and let’s just say I should call this blog.  How men disappointed me before they even took their pants off….  It’s been some ride but it’s all good.  I have plenty of ups and downs and have learned that what you fall it’s ok because you can always get back up.

My therapist whom I’m pretty sure has been able to travel to exotic places because I have been a patient; told me I need to write my thoughts down by journaling. I said I hate writing with pens, after she said I was lazy she suggested I blog.  Great idea I thought; so 2 years after the suggestion I am now attempting to blog.

I look forward to healing my thoughts through my blogging journey.  Here I go……